"Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?"
"It's amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world everyday always just exactly fits the newspaper."
"If it were not for Thomas Edison, we would all be watching television in the dark."
"Computers will never take the place of books. You can't stand on a floppy disk to reach a high shelf."
"An consultant is someone who takes a subject you understand and makes it sound confusing."
"Love is so confusing - you tell a girl she looks great and what's the first thing you do?Turn out the lights!"
"The male is a domestic animal which, if treated with firmness and kindness, can be trained to do most things."
"I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder."
"The brain is a wonderful organ. It starts working the moment you get up in the morning and does not stop until you get into the office"
"The guy who invented the first wheel was an idiot; The guy who invented the other three, he was the genius. "
"Honesty may be the best policy, but it's important to remember that apparently, by elimination,dishonesty is the second-best policy."
"If you can't convince them, confuse them."
"I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying."
"Joind the army, see the world, meet intresting peoples, kill them all."
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